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Sunday, October 21, 2018

How to Move on from a Toxic Relationship ( The Healthy Way)


It is true that the older you get, the wiser you become. I admit that when I was younger I did things that I am not supposed to do. I was able to learn from these experiences and accept that I am just like anybody else - I am human, capable of making great things in life, but also capable of committing mistakes and getting hurt.

And one thing I learned is to be a better person, you have to let go of toxic people and situations you are in. I will tell you some things I have learned to move on in a healthy way from a toxic relationship. This can be a toxic friendship to even toxic family members (Don't deny we all have one in our lives!)

1. Define Toxic
You have to define first if it was a toxic relationship to begin with. You would know if it is one when it is like a pattern that happens frequently with you and that person. Would you always get into arguments out of petty things and the argument was not resolved? Are you still happy in the relationship? Does it give you personal growth?

These questions come in mind immediately when you assess the relationship. Its normal to know the state of your relationship because if it is going nowhere its better that you break up instead of hurting each other more.

2. Grief.
It is okay to grieve over a failed relationship. It is totally normal. Being sad about something is not going to make you into a horrible person. My therapist told me that grief is part of the process and it is normal.

You can cry and stay in bed but limit yourself because life has to go on.

Personally, I've learned to grief at night before I go to bed. I know it sounds like I am scheduling it, but I find that releasing all the pent up anger before I go to bed makes me sleep better because I've released all the negativity that might stop me from a good night of sleep.

3. Socialize.
As they say - When a door closes on you, expect a new door to open or a window. Learn to re-socialize yourself. Meet new people, acquire new hobbies and just live again in a new place in your life. When I was moving on from a heart break, I met new people in my life which were absolutely amazing.

One way for me to move on is meet new people. I would usually ask my friends to bring me along so I don't feel clouded by my thoughts and I push myself to start conversation with other people.

I may be outgoing but I have my limitations, so pushing past my comfort zone is quite surprising especially when you meet new people in the process.

4. Its okay to reminisce.
Remembering the past is perfectly normal. You had good times with this person so remembering good memories is okay. Don't be too hard on yourself in forgetting them because the more you force yourself to forget them, the harder it will be for you to move on.

Just give yourself a reminder that this person was a part of your life one time and its time to move on.
I know its hard to do - even I had to face that reality when I was moving on from a previous relationship but this gave me hope that in time I will meet someone better for sure.

5. Love yourself more.
I will not get tired in stressing this - Love yourself more. The reason for that is in the process of leaving that toxic relationship, it can also mean you lost yourself in the process so make sure to give yourself the time to move on and be on your own.

I knew a lot of girls that are into moving on by entering a new relationship which makes that relationship into its predecessor - a toxic one!

I was also like that when I was younger, but I realized that I am hurting another person because I haven't resolved my issues on my own to let them in. I am basically hurting another human being because of my insecurities and bitterness from my previous relationship, so I decided that I needed to be my own person first to enter a new relationship.

Here is a bonus tip!

6. Its okay to entertain potential partners, but let them know that you are not ready yet.

I know it sounds weird, but sometimes the right person might come in the least time you expect them to be so be open for potential partners that will accept your good and bad side.

To know if they are in for the long haul is when you show them your scars and your vulnerability. If they can accept that, they can be a new part of your life.

If you are thinking of leaving a relationship that can be toxic I hope these helped you in defining and also moving on from it.

Much Love!
xx ALice

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