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Wednesday, August 10, 2016

That Frustrating WALL!


Over the weekend I had a meltdown. 

I had a meltdown for not being good enough anymore. 

Which means I had hit the wall of uncreativity. And it frustrates me. 

Maybe due to the pressure from my mom (and other people) to get a desk job or  being broke, or the pressure of being "not good enough" to other people just made my brain shut down for a day. 

And I was also sick so it made me feel worst than ever. 

That day made me question why am I even writing in the first place if people don't recognize it right? It made me think that I am not good enough to be a blogger anymore because I'm getting to be too 'generic' like the others. 

I spent the whole day just laying in bed and just crying that even my mom got concerned because she thought I was getting worst with my fever. 

After crying out for several hours, I got the courage to get up and read something. And sure enough scrolling through reddit and 9gags made me realize something. Just like the millions of posts on those sites my post might have a small chance that it will be discovered, but it will be discovered somehow by other people in time. 

It made me realize that yes, I am just like any other blogger out there, but I am still different in other ways. 

I curse in some posts and say the real shit sometimes. I have insecurities that is all over my body, but people think I am perfect nonetheless. 

I am lonely but definitely not alone on this journey. 

To those that noticed how different I was last Sunday, thank you for noticing and just letting me know you are there. I was surprised in how much you know me when I am not my usual self. 

If you guys don't know I have clinical depression so there are times that this quirky, crazy girl goes south with negative thoughts and just locks out the world in her tiny bubble. 

Usually I would get over this slump in a couple of days or maybe weeks but thankfully I was able to get out faster than I thought. 9gag and Reddit did a great job. 

So just to let you girls and guys know, yes! I am still here. I will continue to write even if I don't have tons of hits or followers, I will still write until my hands can't write no more. People might get offended with my posts, but that's okay at least I got the message through right? 

So if you are stuck in front of that wall too make sure to get a sledgehammer and ram it through that wall as if it was your ex-boyfriend's face. You might get over it faster that way LOL. 

I have yet to talk to my therapist this week because as you guys know therapy is fucking expensive so I need to earn some money first to get a session on its way. But maybe by the time I get the money I am over it so I might just pay some dues with that money. 

Much Love! 

xx Alice

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