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Monday, July 4, 2011

Monday Monday oh Monday!


I don't know why but Mondays seem to give me a writer's block or something. 

I can't seem to think about a topic...but anyhow that's what it is! LOL

How was your weekend? was is slow like mine? I don't know why but I've started to hate staying indoors. It seems I'm getting a habit of not getting some much needed sunshine. I feel I'm turning into a vampire LOL. 

But aside from isolating myself from the outside world I had been busy taking care of my nephew and niece since my mom and brothers were doing a lot of work fixing the house. Now that I think about it its only 5 days before my dad's 1 year death anniversary. 

Yes. I don't have a dad anymore. I lost him last year and it was a fast one. 

I knew stuff about my dad but I never really knew all of them. We had a lot of things in common, Like enjoying simple pleasures like Taho and watching Discovery channel documentaries. I miss that about him. I miss the times that he pushes me out the bed when he needs to sleep. When he promises me "When I win the lottery I will buy you that" It seems very childish but that is how he is. 

My dad was like my friend yet my foe. He disciplines me yet also spoils me. I miss his version of Pancit. If the Lord can bring him back for one more day I would wish he makes me a lifetime supply so I'll never miss it anymore. 

It seems I do have something to write about after all. My dad.

My dad was actually kinda scary for some because he walks like FPJ haha! but he is a friendly guy. He has lots of friends. He is also very humble. You may not know it but he has lots of money stashed in his work station that when he likes to buy some thing he would just get some from there. I just found out about that when we were cleaning his stuff. 

I don't want to regard that he died but I would just want to think he went to a better place. Where there in an endless supply of Kowloon siopao and Chowking mami (one of his favorites). But that place has no beer so sorry papa! :) 

My dad was taken away so suddenly that I wasn't able to tell him how I love him. I think he knows that already. He knows that by the way I tease him and how I like to call him all the time. He usually gets on my side when I want something that I really like.

I would like to say thank you papa for being a great dad. You did not spoil me a lot with gifts but you spoiled me with your time and dedication taking care of me. Thank you for always picking me up from school when I was in high school. At first it was kind of embarrassing, but it was actually cool when I think about it now. 

Sorry I was stubborn at times. I know I was stepping on the wrong territory at times but you still didn't blew your steam at me. Sorry if I wasn't able to be there all the time. I am just really sorry. 

When I saw you at the emergency room I asked the doctor "can you save my dad?" the doctor wasn't able to answer me. When I smelled ammonia from my hands when I touched your feet, I was saying "no, don't take him away yet" I smelled that you were going away. 

The scenes were still so fresh that I it looked like it just happened. Writing what happened still disturbs me but I was able to get over the trauma. I think since He went away I was able to have like a trauma seeing the hospital he was last been. 

I just wish that my niece and nephew and future generations will still be able to remember him. He is a loving grandfather for my nephew and niece, I actually had thought what would he be when I would have my own kids. Will he be as doting as to them? I won't ever have an answer for that since he went away.  

I wish you are okay Papa. We are still coping but don't worry. I learned how to be more careful for my stuff. I don't have you anymore to fix them. I want to keep our memories forever papa, I wish that you didn't go away, I wish that this was all a bad dream and I would wake up seeing you in your spot while watching TV. 

I just wish you to be here again. And don't go ever go away. 

-- Alice


aringkingking said... [Reply]

I just lost my father last Christmas and it was unexpected also. Now i feel sad :(

Photoescape said... [Reply]

I think losing someone you love is one of the hardest things we have to accept. It took me a long time to accept that my dad is gone. kind of saddening in a way, but it actually made me a lot better of a person.

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